Grateful.

When I started writing these back in September the idea was a simple digital life journal I could look back on, learn from, to remember stuff and refine my thoughts.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a real personal journal entry. Tonight I’m sitting on the Amtrak on my way back home to Minnesota from Chicago so I figure I would.

Recently, more than ever, I feel like I’m in my groove.

I’m not quite sure how it happened, but all of a sudden, gradually, it’s like things have come together. Like I am in the exact right place, doing the exact right thing. I’m where I need to be.

It’s nice, and a bit weird - I can’t say I’ve really felt that before. My whole life I’ve been kind of hard on myself, like I’m not doing enough, compare myself to other people, think about what I could be doing better.

And I’m certainly not free of those things - but I just feel like I’m managing really well right now. Like, I’m giving it my best. I think it’s important to say that out loud.

A little over a year ago I was in a worse place. I realize that viscerally. Not like depressed, just not my best. I was averaging a -2 (bad day) every couple weeks. Days I’d do nothing but sit on the couch and watch YouTube.¹

I haven’t had a single day like that in probably 9 months. It’s just been good. This past week I had a streak of five-straight +2 (great) days (on a work week!) - the only other time I can remember that was my honeymoon.

I guess I am just figuring it out. Maybe that’s growing up - figuring out how to be content, how to stay motivated, how to keep my priorities in order.

I think I owe a lot of it to a few things. One is moving to Chicago - I’ve never been happier with where I live. Taylor and I love it, way more than I could’ve expected. So much character, so much new to experience, so many little things.

Another is having great friends and people in my life. Making a conscious effort to put myself in space with people who lift me up, contribute, support, celebrate, keep me honest.

A third is focusing more on my health. Started a slow carb diet, watching what I eat, going for long walks and doing some pushups in the morning. Drinking more water :-)

A fourth is probably just working on things I love. I’m so happy with my job, the business I’m running and the people I’m running it with. I feel like we’re making something that really matters, doing something new, and that we are challenging ourselves every day. I’m never bored.

And a fifth is probably just being honest with myself. It’s easy to trick yourself into being lazy or apathetic - to take the path of least resistance. I think the secret I’ve been self-withholding is that life is best when you take care.

A quote from one of my role models, the quantum physicist Richard Feynman comes to mind: rule #1 of life is don’t fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.

So overall I’m happy. and I’m grateful to be happy. If you don’t celebrate it you might blink and miss it. Cherish it and take care.

I don’t expect this to last forever, and I’m not pretending I’ve ‘solved’ some great mystery of life. I know there will be more bad days and tough times. That’s life.

But when those days come I think hopefully I’ll be better prepared. Always evolving. Life is a journey, passing through doors on your way to the next place. At one of those future places maybe I’ll look back on this and reminisce.

Peace,
Ramsey

1  I’ve been tracking my daily mood and timespend for the past few years in an excel spreadsheet. Mood on a scale from -2 (bad), -1, 0, +1, +2 (great)